Everything is reversed when you're shy. What terrifies 'norms', as I call them, holds no fear for a shyfighter. Whilst things that terrify us, create not so much as a pause for thought for a norm.
At times, I have looked like the boldest resident of Bold town, Arizona. Whilst at other times, I have looked like a scared rabbit, caught in headlights.
With a shyfighter, the activities that show our bold bravery, are always stereotypically hardcore, super tough, or super embarrassing situations. That's what they would be to a norm. Whereas the activities that show our timid shy side are always simple things; like opening a door. Yes, when younger, I used to worry about which way a door would open before I walked up to it. Calculating the odds as I approached. I've always been a wiz at maths, so it never took me long to figure out that the odds were 50/50; [y-mn + x over b&q squared =50/50].
I would glance from side to side, looking out for laughing witnesses should I get the door opening operation wrong. Often, because of the awkward way I would have approached the door, I would stumble and trip, like Jim Dale in a Carry On movie, banging the door on my foot, or sometimes my face. Creating a public episode that, the more I fight to get out of, lasts longer and longer. Wrestling in a straight jacket of embarrassment. A jacket that I myself decided to put on as I approached the door. I would then melt with embarrassment of course, making the simple task even more difficult to perform. As I've said before, it's like struggling to get a tight fitting jumper over your head in public.
So you experience the fear. Extreme fear, about which way a door opens. But when faced with scary, or truly embarrassing situations, the shyness disappears. I have stood up in front of people and given speeches before. No shyness. Well, not much anyway. Performing with far more confidence than others giving a speech both before and after me. I've gone on blind dates and been perfectly fine. Totally blind dates mind. Before the internet. When all you knew about the person was their name and landline number. No photos. This was the mid-nineties. I would breeze into the pub, fully confident, despite knowing that the lady had no idea what I looked like. The reason? Because I was supposed to be shy.
What terrifies a shyfighter, like myself, is the fear of not being able to do something with aplomb that norms can do without even thinking about it. Like opening a door. You fear being laughed at and stared at, like an animal in a cage behaving in an amusing fashion. Everyone thinking you a fool because you can't do the simplest of tasks. But the expected emotion on a blind date is fear, so therefore the shyfighter doesn't feel that emotion. Instead, in my case, I basked in the warm knowledge that it was ok to be nervous and scared. It was allowed and expected. I knew that the other person on my blind date would be terrified. I wasn't alone being shy! Because of this extremely comforting realisation, I felt the opposite sensation; confidence. Chilled out and relaxed. Like I've had a bit of booze. I think this is why it's always the shy ones that step forward, unto the breach. The silent heroes. They're at their best when everyone else is terrified. They fill with confidence as they realise that everyone else is feeling the same terror.
As an adult, I still suffer from a bit of prickly heat if I, for instance, walk to what I think is a break in a wall in a car park, or an entrance to somewhere, only to find that I have to turn around and walk back the way I had come to find the correct route. No where near as bad as when I was younger, when I would melt on the spot, but definitely still slightly noticeable. When younger, I would put on a bit of a performance for all the people that I assumed were staring at my error. I would pat my pockets and scratch my chin, giving me a valid reason to have to turn around, as if I had dropped my wallet or something. It was hoped that that would make people think that I hadn't made the mistake of going the wrong way to begin with. But if someone asked me to stand on that same wall without a gap, or on a soapbox by the entrance that wasn't an entrance, and tell gathering onlookers what had happened, in a loud voice, I would, well, I would be less nervous than simply turning around and looking for the gap in the wall. It would be something that anyone would be shy about and so wouldn't affect me as much. The more silly and plain bonkers the situation, the less shy I am. That's why casual gatherings, like parties, terrify me so much. They are supposed to be so laid back and chilled out. Meaning that any sign of shy nervousness looks ridiculous; meaning that I get drenched in shyness...and sweat.
So there you have it. Shyfighters get nervous in supposedly relaxed social situations, precisely because they are supposedly relaxed social situations. Any nervous shyness stands out a mile. But in a generally nervous situation that's affecting everyone, any signs of shyness are not noticed. Such emotions are swamped and hidden by the disquiet that surrounds you. You no longer feel that you are sticking out like a sore thumb. You are camouflaged. You blend in and your shyness evaporates.
Think of a grey Lego brick. when surrounded by chilled out white bricks, the grey brick {we will call him Jon..for twas his name}, stands out horribly. But when the shit hits the fan and all the white bricks turn black in distress, the grey brick is hardly noticeable and indeed more 'white' now than those around him. Shyfighters can often cope better in scary situations because they spend a lot of their lives in scary situations. On edge. Feeling uncomfortable. Certainly, in my case, when confronted by something unusual and unnerving, I cope better than all the 'white bricks' around me.
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